Wake up now
Keep your head high
Choose your path
Paint the plain
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moving..
On 10:45 PM , Friday, August 17, 2012decided that it's time to move on.
started this blog since 2006; still have a clear memory on that year's church camp. remember myself standing with yfers.., looking at the sea. stood still while screaming when the waves came attacking.
never expect life to be the way it's now.
to be frank, lots of dreams of attaining above my reach were shattered on the way. but picked up good habits and relationships that i thank god for.
all these years, had a place to pour out little of life.
amazing huh? life. "to gain is to lose..". how true; how cruel.
anyway.
moving to: http://teoxueqi.tumblr.com/
will spend more time there. :)
kind of.. enjoy using pictures other than myself to talk about life encounters.
thankyou, if you're one of those who have been reading and commenting. hehe! thanks :).
"a man's heart plans His ways, but the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9
indeed.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
directions
On 8:36 PM , Saturday, August 04, 2012been h'ving a okay time being back in hometown.
l'ving times getting people gathered and talk about life and uni etc.
yet been really dry i would say.
heard alot about how people are doing whether it's in uni or workplace. Not really sure what to feel or react or answer if questions are asked about my future.
not sure when did it started but been quite a while since I actually do things not for the sake of doing them.
kinda did things based on whether they should be done or not.
been meeting up with lots of people that i met at different stages of life.
engaged into conversations that brought me to realize how much I've changed and compromised in simply a year time.
thank God for people who still put effort in maintaining friendships.
they'r rare and precious.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
bball
On 10:40 PM , Monday, July 23, 2012just got back yesterday, from singapore.
been a fruitful and healthy month iwill say.. :)
went langkawi with schoolmates right after my last paper; then kl to meet up with people i've been wanting to meet for long..
that night itself was scary, missed the stop i suppose to stop at 10pm.
thank God; was protected and okay in the end :)
home-ed for a few days and back in kl then penang for ball training.
started from 1july.., ran around campus twice a day and in total around 10times after the whole session ended.
i remember talking to myself the first day itself..i'm doomed.
anyhow; survived. enjoyed staying with the team, went thro' hell together but laughed alot everyday.
kinda got used to living bersama sama.
feeling like family; especially when we get out to buy groceries.
in the end we got second place; lost by 1 points at the final 2 seconds. the worst part was to see people whom worked really hard to be that disappointed.
personally, hated that i wasn't good enough and couldn't contribute much.
even so.
been a journey i've learnt much in. both myself and how reality works.
training week was one of my toughest week in uni.. but no regrets.
thank God for friendships. i really do... :)
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
exam week
On 5:29 PM , Thursday, June 14, 2012i know.
been quite some time since i blog. kinda prefer talking less so posted more on tumblr.
anyway. been okay, surviving.
first was the last week of classes, lectures. one of the busiest week of my semester. then study week in kluang, and back in penang last sunday for monday's paper.
thursday, and just finished my 4th paper.
been a emotional roller coaster, first was to leave home and to be back. then it was advanced calculus. TT.
even so. thank god. for a rather enriching and fun semester.
glad to go thro' ups and downs with good people; sometimes, amazed when i look back to see how far i've come :)
many things to thank god for.
maths school; jazzband, quartet, bball, athletics, church, cf, etc. for shaping my second semester :).
enjoyed classes; really thank god for this gang of maths kaki.
also, grateful for family and old friends that stood by when i needed someone.
so, semester 2, ending soon.
excited and in need of a break. cannot wait to lepak at home.
reminded that people walk in and out all the time.
people that matters will stay. :)
LALALALALALALALA..
1 words or thoughts?
time
On 12:06 AM , Wednesday, May 23, 2012i know it sounds weird. but i've lost track of time.
been busy. didn't even realize i did not blog at all for May.
it has been exciting i guess.
life, exploring places and food in penang with course/schoolmates at night or mid nights. movies; stadium; jazzband room; quartet; church; bball court.
i'm realizing how scarily fast time flies..
feeling as if, time slipped away without noticing.
even so.
been quite a productive semester.
fit into a rather loud gang in maths school. jazzband; involved in quartet. still is. done with TOT. got 1st for high jump; 2nd for relay and 3rd for long jump.
bball has been hard, as usual.
still, clinging onto what's left and learning. fitting in.. :)
there'r times where i felt like running away.
but kind of survived. with good people, and a merciful God.
having a glimpse on what meant by "more than enough".
to be content; not to gripe.
yes lord. this is more than enough.
how i wish i can see you that way too. i'm sure there'll be less hurt then.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
busy bee
On 4:54 PM , Saturday, April 28, 2012Been busy. Again.
Hahaha. Spending alot of time with schoolmates.
Trying to find order in life.
Anyway. Done with relay.
Represented my hostel; thank God. Survived one week of training and won.
Funny that even though it doesn't mean that much as it used to, still, it's close to heart. I guess it'll always be.
Indeed He has been faithful. Til today, never once empty-handed. :)
Been practicing alot with Quartet players.
Alot of time spent for Maths' Night performance.
Relationships strengthened.
Yet in the midst of all. Feeling like an in-between.
Neither here nor there.
Not easy to be understood; but really happy when people do.
Felt like a total failure and non-existing after doing that bad during bball practice yesterday.
Only to realize how important it's to forgive self.
是否成人的世界背后 总有残缺
LALALALALALALALA..
2 words or thoughts?
thailand
On 2:06 AM , Thursday, April 12, 2012Back from Phuket, Thailand yesterday night.
Home now.
Amazing but yup, i actually left home for almost two months.
Yet. Familiarity. Homey. :)
Thailand trip was eye-opening. 4days of traveling.
One of the hardest thing was to feel belonged. Not easy to fit in etc.. At different point, at the edge of bursting into tears. But. Thank God. Wasn't that bad in the end. Thankful. :)
Thailand was almost like what I expected.
Beautiful sea 'n islands, my mind went blank when it comes to speaking.
Met Ah Gua for the first time in my life too.
ill bit sad for the people there.
especially people along the night streets. I know what they're doing.
That'y. Garrrrr.
Anyway. Really protected by the Lord. First was the bombing.
Then the earthquake. I know it wasn't luck.
Broken world; spiritual blindness. Myself.
I commit all to You.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
growth
On 5:01 PM , Sunday, March 25, 2012I find growth to be something bittersweet.
Most of the time, there's loss in gaining something new.
Sister and cousins, along with their other-halfs came to penang.
Moments where we're all in a public bus, they being like any other loving couples, talking about home, etc. Made me miss home so badly. Hearing happening stories of people that I grew up with, that now have me excluded.
That wanna-cry-but-cannot feeling.
Though I understand. But cannot help it to feel abandoned.
Know this is the place where I learn most, yet things can be so inconsistent that scare.
Funny that to get what we really want, we have to let them go.
Including people that matter alot. Also includes not rushing into a relationship and ended up holding the wrong hand.
So. I cry for how life works. Things that come with a price, including letting go of the past. Yet knowing that the Lord is the One that gives life in unexpected ways.
"Carefully and cursively we fill our travelling diaries, with loss."
- Dry the River.
Love how it's written.
Let me agree, cry, and then let it go.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
birthday
On 3:14 PM , Friday, March 23, 2012Just had my first away-from-home birthday.
Expected myself to be miserable. Turned out to be rather a good one
Usual routines, with good people. Hehee. :)
Started with a simple but sweet celebration with some of the PKA-iers. Then. Josie called. Yay.
Mid-night. Spent time with Audrey under a nice tree playing guitar, singing worship songs.
Felt so blessed. To be prayed for and to start a day with worship.
Tidur really late. Had assignment to complete. My bad, last minute.
Missed 8am and 9am classes. Unintentionally. Celebrated, lunch with Sze Nie & Pika. Same birth date; it was meaningful i different ways :) Continued with classes and met Peijie, makan kuih at Fajar. Dinner with Kim, Vernard, Michael and Yen Nee before heading for JazzB prac.
Quartet sounded so good. :D
Practices were tiring but delightful. Kena pour water and cake on the face later. They told me I screamed like mad woman. Ran all over chasing ppl with cake.
Ended with mamak at Khaleel and a lovely cake.
Was rather a fruitful day i guess.
Deep down, extremely thankful for people who care. :')
Not easy to find eh? People who care not out of obligations but purely to befriend.
How rare, how precious. THANKYOU, LORD.
So..I'm 21. Not much difference actually.
Feel the same, but I know things will be different for sure. Soon or later.
Garrr. Busy hectic week ahead. Lord, lead me.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
:)
On 2:17 PM , Sunday, March 11, 2012Hehe. Nothing much to blog about.
Been.. feeling and tasting God's blessings in life.
:)
Sometimes. Cannot help it to sing.
Felt like singing all day, before class; after class.
Happy or not, alone or part of a crowd.
Trainings have been hard; trying to perform as expected.
Studies, I'm lost. Jazzband, learning to make relevant decisions. Also, challenged to play better.
Church & CF, learning alot. People and the Word.
Thank God for a rather simple but nice week.
Realize everyone needs ill bit of downs all the time to learn/build our character. Like it or not, we learn best when we're vulnerable.
When all is stripped away, where do we turn to?
When you get what you want, where do we turn to?
So.. terima kasih Tuhan.
Kerana kasihMu.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
family camp
On 5:48 PM , Sunday, March 04, 2012Back from pka family camp. After a rather long and weary week.
3days, 2nights. Started off with a heavy downpour.
Didn't really know what to expect. Hated that feeling of walking to another uncertain/unfamiliar place, again. Really just wanted to go home.
But, turned out to be great i guess :)
Got to know many even better. Especially for the nights, didn't really join the large group fun. Enjoyed staying in dorm with some others there.
Great to simply get a getaway.
i'm reminded of God's faithfulness. And, i'm convinced that God does provide. Thank God for relationships built that have depth.
Now. Back to... reality. Where, nothing is assuring.
Hehe. Recharged spiritually; challenged to be consistent.
Lord. Help me to be prepared to receive Your help.
Help to find my identity in You, not someone or something else.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
sunday
On 3:25 PM , Sunday, February 26, 2012Back from church. Always excited for the msg.
Feeling as if my tank is being refilled. :)
Anyways. Been realizing how emotionally unstable i'm.
Far from home; cannot really scream or cry when i want to. So, kinda realized i'm inclined to stay quiet & having my mind wondered away to wherever i wanna be at.
Never actually understood what it means to miss home.
That's why, didn't know i'm actually missing home. Bitter taste.
Especially this week, enjoyed but also challenged in so many ways.
Many days, hoped that i could share my bad day or joy with sisters before tidur. No curfew, no dad waiting for me to be back.
Despite all. I believe God placed me in Penang for valid reasons.
Thank God for good kawans. People that appeared at the right time.
Time to grow up. iwill be ok with it. :)
meaning - the end, purpose, or significance of something
Lord. Be my meaning.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
On 10:16 PM , Friday, February 24, 2012
it's friday and i've no class. :)
Went jalanjalan with Yennee&ChiaJiun.; basketball then.
It's good to be back with the team.
But feeling the pressure and expectations placed.
The worst thing is to not perform at the right time and causing teammates to kena punishment together.
So. Abit down.
Disappointed with my capabilites.
Especially when i'm given that opportunity to do better.
:(
But i know, life is about.. learning.
Learning to be a better student; learning to be a better child;
Learning to be a better sister, friend, leader, athlete etc.
Funny that we spend our lives chasing after things or money to feel worthy.
Not knowing that what we really want, we cannot buy.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
:)
On 4:36 PM , Wednesday, February 22, 2012had 2hours of classes but ended up starving, meeting authorities & walking around for few hours.
timetable clashing; econs' & maths'.
enjoyed fellowship with coursemates though.
crisis but also another opportunity, brought us closer :)
iwas quite frustrated with the way things are done. imean.. you offered us double major yet no communications between two schools? apaini. listed as optional but left us without a choice.
In the end, we decided to drop it. taking labour econs during my 5th sem instead.
Somehow. when it was chaotic, it felt so familiar.
instead of being infuriated by it, iwas rather calm and happy. hehe
kinda know God is in control, that kinda happy.
not like what happened back during form6, met a really good lecturer.
instead of shutting us straightaway (like some authorized woman), she gave us options, stood at different perspectives to evaluate. Took her time to find ways for us, even gave us a good life lesson. :)
she's now my favorite lecturer.
ill bit sad, especially after talking to her, for not having the privilege to attend her lectures.
bitter-sweet feeling.
thank God for people who inspire.
thank You, for good teachers, those that really care;
those that are actually educating. :)
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
home
On 1:53 AM , Sunday, February 19, 20121 month's break is over.
I cannot believe it. Slacked alot.
Took a short trip to malacca and muar too. Enjoyed.
Fruitful fellowships and great food. Hehe.
Flying back to Penang in few hours time. 7am.
Got my results. Satisfied. Moving on to semester 2, in a rather reluctant way.
Being at home has been nice i guess.
Not so much about yamcha or hang up etc. Enjoyed being at home; doing nothing. Conversations and hearty talks with sisters n' close kawans. :)
Last day in kluang.
Yf, h'ving jit's farewell. Brought back alot of "those days.."
Bad and good ones. Realized so many have long moved on from yf.
Cannot help it to agree that God is faithful.
1month of being in kluang brought me back to a lesson i struggle alot in. Forgiveness: both myself and others.
Thank You for forgiveness, that i now understand a mother's tender love. The more I'm certain 'n taste how awesome Your love is.
Which I cannot comprehend.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
getaway
On 1:27 AM , Monday, February 06, 2012Just got back from kl.
3 days of getaway, worth it and learnt much.
Today itself was rather different.
Stepped into a mega church for once; but nothing compares to standing and worshiping with someone who went thro' years of ups and downs together. thanks Josie :)
Experienced God's grace in a day itself. Full of surprises. Hahaha..
This getaway brought me to feel for the helpless.
People who are trapped in a rather difficult family. H'ving so many things crumbling down in a short time. Yet survived and tasting that helplessness that life offers.
How i wish i can do something.
I hope by being there, it was something.
Yet i'm reminded of my helplessness in the way certain things are being shaped in my life.
Things that i cannot get rid of. Mistakes that still haunt me;
Decisions that I regret making.
I wish i can skip the weeping part. Too bad.
Kinda agree what it's sang: "when you get what you want but not what you need.."
How true, how sad.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
cny
On 7:18 PM , Friday, January 27, 2012Honestly, i don't really enjoy CNY.
I mean. Love it, to get everyone gathered.
Hate it, when gathering itself becomes an obligation and burden.
Somehow. Didn't really go out and get angpao.
Kindof not getting the point of doing it. Prefer finding friends to talk with, or stay at home and tidur.
Just got back from kl. Cousins reunion. :)
Always love it to be together.. the worst feeling is to get home, knowing everyone else is in kl.
Feeling as if i'm torn apart.
Starting to dislike the distance. Kluang - kl - Penang.
Recently. Not understanding alot of things in life.
Many things that i wish i can change, i cannot. No matter what i do.
Lord. Give me understanding.
Teach me to love. Because im way too bitter to love.
LALALALALALALALA..
2 words or thoughts?
decision
On 12:13 AM , Sunday, January 22, 2012Today's yamcha. Got too used to not having curfew.
Until my dad called. hehe. Aduh.
Being at home has been :) . Lazier.
Not much changed; but not the same either.
Went to yf, shared, felt so blessed to be in the band after quite some time. Back to familiar community. lalalala..
That day. Decided to not go for this year's olahraga masum.
It was mind-boggling for days. Took up most of my nights, thinking.
Simply to figure out what I should do. Or, what I want.
Stupid to give up such a valuable opportunity eh?
I thought so too. But. No, im not going. :)
I'm far from being prepared for it. Worst still, i wonder whether I still enjoy running or jumping.
What's the point of doing for the sake of doing? Aimless.
Sports has always been something that shaped who I'm.
Something close to heart; something i cling on to feel ill bit better.
So, yes. the more I should come face to face with it, and let it go.
My worth is found in Christ.
Not something else.
Realizing it ain't easy to make good decisions sometimes.
Dilemmas in making decisions;
To be true to your emotions; or to not let authorities down.
So..phew!
Thank God for people who speak truth and reality into my life.
Oh yeah. Sem break and Kluang. wohoooo.
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
tuesday with morrie
On 1:21 AM , Monday, January 16, 2012I'm not a book person. All these years, i can barely sit still for an hour.
But. Uni has pretty much forced me to do so.
Exams have pushed me to study and sit still.haha..
Finished Tuesday With Morrie recently.
Always wanted to read, never had the time. Or capability.
Found myself tearing away half way thro' the book. Found myself facing something I have always been afraid of - death.
I mean. Of course I believe in Jesus and promises of human's afterlife.
Part of me, afraid. Afraid of losing people. Cannot imagine losing people close to heart.
Cannot imagine someone disappearing one day just like that.
Thank God for such a man. Such a story.
Someone with so much to complaint about, did opposite of that.
Reminded me of the art of embracing pain.
Cost so much that, it's pretty.
One of my favorite part:
"Sometimes, in the mornings," he said. "that's when I mourn. I feel around my body, i move my fingers and hands - and I mourn for what I've lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I'm dying. But then I stop mourning." Just like that?
"I give myself a good cry if i need it. But then, i concentrate on all the good things still in my life..."
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
老朋友
On 3:02 PM , Saturday, January 14, 2012找不到愿意聆听的
明白的
结果
找上了老朋友
谢谢你，有自己的困，可是每次都聆听
让我诚实面对自己的感受
体会到所谓的无奈
被熟悉的人群包围，但失去自己的语言
不想呐喊，不想讲述
我知道
长大了就应该学习自己面对恐惧
可是我不行，是时候回家了
LALALALALALALALA..
0 words or thoughts?
This is me
TEO XUE QI =)
22-03-91
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore"
PSALM 16:11
HEART IT
TUMBIR
delights
Tuhanfamily
future husband
sports
violin
potatoes
non-loud music
acoustic
jalan-jalan
yam-char
my blog skins
put links to your art or skins herex Skin name
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featured arts
put links to your favorite arts or skins herex Skin name by name
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not me!
The rising sunage old
yet new and inspiring
lighting up the world
with its soft pink rays;
just watching the familiar hues
dance on the still water
I return to emotions
that never truly left.
Just as the sun sets
it rises again
wide arms embracing a new day.
- Li Steins -
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
loved ones
x ANDRIANA HOx CATHERINE TAN!
x CHENG YEE
x EZRA SIN
x HAZIRAH
x JEANEATTE HONG
x JING QUAN
x JOANNA TANG
x JOEL YAP
x JONATHAN GAN
x JOSIE LIM
x JOY LEE
x JUSTIN LIM
x KAI XIAN
x KHAI LI
x MAYYEE
x MEIQI
x PAULUS LEE
x RYAN NAIR
x SERENE TAN
x SONG AN
x TIEN HUI
x WEI PENG
x XIAO YING
x YING YING-LOW
x YONG LIN
x PS. VICTOR&KELLY
x KO YOSHUA
x JIE EUNISE
x PN RAHMAH
x MPPPU STK