Paint the . P L A I N

On 7:56 PM , Thursday, April 30, 2009

I HAD A GREAT TIME!! =)
and, I LOVE PICASA! WOHOOO.. =X

LALALALALALALALA..

11 words or thoughts?

On 11:30 PM , Wednesday, April 29, 2009

BASKETBALL.

I am not really a huge fans of basketball actually. =D (tooooo dangerous and touchy. =P)
I used to love it during my primary school years, but I prefer atheletics lehh. hahahahaha. =X

Even so. Basketball is still something special to me lar.
A practical way for me to hang out with different range of friend(s)., ETC.
WELL. During the penutup, names were annouced, as in who got shortlisted for training ETC.
Tak ada nama aku. hahahhahaha =X
but i was told that they made a mistake. I was actually shortlisted!!

HAPPY?
you know, it's more of a dilemma.
To go, knowing I won't be selected anyway? So many geng players out there..
To not go, showing no respect to authorities' desicions and faith place on me?

I really didn't know what to do.
AND, I had the worst cant-sleep night yesterday.
I don't understand lor. W-H-Y must things like this happen to me?
W-H-Y must my name be mixed up, making my feeling of not-good-enough-ness even stronger?
AND. I screwed up lots of stuff at once.

The mental torture was enormous. For day(s).
BUT, today I went. =D
And, it was worth it. I learnt lots of stuff. New people, new techniques ETC.
Partly, it was quite scary lor. Lost in instruction(s) hahaha =X
Sometimes, It's really funny how God put things together. R-E-A-L-L-Y.

I learnt that. PRIDE, FEAR.,
FEAR OF REJECTION, can really bring a person down.
It's not about the end result OR achievement(s)., huh? (easy to say larr.. =P)
AND.
What people think, is really just what people think.
After all, what that's pleasant in man's sight is detestable in God's sight. HUHH?

I PRAISE THE LORD.
For this horrible-but-fruitful day. =D
My first official down-to-earth training since a very long time haha..
GOODNIGHT LOH, crazy world.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 10:41 PM , Friday, April 24, 2009

D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-I-O-N.
this word.a bit sensitive, HUHH?
At least for me lah.
This long hard-to-remember-what-I-did holidays brought me to my breaking point.
I tasted desperation.
Desperation, to know that this is a huge world yet I found none who knows me well.
Or at least try to.

INDEED. Life without Him is meaning-less. Died.
I learnt much.
I want to be desperate for the right reason.
Be satisfied with the unchangeable.

It feels good to be alive. =)
LALALALALALALALAALALALAALA..

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 12:00 AM , Thursday, April 23, 2009

堕落ahh..
堕落..
堕落....
堕落.
堕落..
I been making wrong decisions.
INCLUDING people and my sleeping routine.
GAHHH.. =X

(......................)
I.S.H.O.U.L.D.N.T.B.E.T.H.I.S.T.I.R.E.D.
BUT.W.H.O.A.R.E.W.E.T.O.S.A.Y.W.H.A.T.S.H.O.U.L.D.N.T.B.E.D.O.N.E.HUH?

LALALALALALALALA..

2 words or thoughts?

On 11:27 PM , Sunday, April 19, 2009

FINALLY..

hahahahahahaha. =D

Finally, our games habis liao!~ WOHOOO. =X

NO LAH, we didn't win. Obvious-ly., hahahaha.

THOUGH, I wasn't disappointed.

I was DEEP-LY disappointed with myself the first match last week.

To know that I was that unfit, not even 5 minutes I was like dying, couldn't catch my breathe, signing to teacher a 'T' ... the worst truth on earth lor.hahaha!!

(......................)

I was disappointed to disappoint expectations. And myself.
Till I can't even sleep leh middle of night! hahahaha =X

BUT yesterday's and today's game was quite organized and at least we know what we were doing. =)

PRAISE THE LORD. =D

But of course lah, we lost. And AIYOH, 5 fouls. =D. But It was an awesome game. =)

You know, after all.
I realised how hard is it to have people gathered together. Asspecially after graduation. =)
I am glad for this period of time. =D

AND.
When I flipped through my bible.
I saw a bookmark given by someone I treasure, written:

A WINNER'S PROMISE.
I will have confidence in myself and put my trust in God.
I will have courage for the big things and patience for the small things.
I will admit mistakes, learn forgiveness, and go on with the game.
I will not call myself a loser or a failure until l've failed to try.
I will set sound, worthy goals and work for them one day at a time and one play at a time.
I will do what I can and not worry about scoring, winning, and making big plays, because just doing my best and playing fair is what really makes me a winner, both in life and on the playing field.

You know, between losing and winning.
I think this promise applied more in losing. When things go wrong.
Because of these loses, I learnt how to smile.
Smile, not because of my ability. =)

LALALALALALALALA..

7 words or thoughts?

On 11:35 AM ,

I know I not suppose to be tired.
But I am.
Tired of holding on great plan(s).
Praying for the larger image, yet did nothing to the things/people close to heart.
Don't be unequally yoked.
But isn't that hard?
Learn from your/others' mistakes?
Isn't that even harder?

Emotionally, D.R.A.I.N.E.D.
Crushed, and get back up again?
Hold on tight yet not too tight? ETC.

LORD, I will stand up again.
This is life, huh?

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 8:35 PM , Thursday, April 16, 2009

"God is preparing His heroes,"
"and when opportunity comes,
He can fit them into thier places in a moment,
and the world will wonder where they came from." - A. B. Simpson

LALALALALALALALA..

9 words or thoughts?

On 9:14 PM , Tuesday, April 14, 2009

LOSING TO LEARN.

Recent-ly I been looking through the pictures in Facebook, Friendster, blogs ETC. You know, It's always interesting and they always make me think of a lot of things ETC. =)

What been really stucked in my mind is.
WHY MUST PEOPLE BE SO REALISTIC?
Esspecially comes to physical appearance, abilities,ETC.

I remember one year MSSJ in Kulai (I think lahh..)
When I won a place for 100 m hurdles, teachers were like praising me. You know lah.
When I lost in 200m hurdles, they (same teachers) were treating me as if I wasn't there.
HAHA?
Not that I ever skipped training for fun. OR, I been super not discipline.
Seriously, instant-ly. I was WOW-ED by the real world.

Don't know.
A bit sad de loh.
REAL WORLD = CRAZY? PENTINGKAN GLORY SHJ..

BUT hehe. After losing to Chong Hwa bad-ly last Saturday.. HAHA =X
I really learnt a lot.
I realised I am super-duper, extraordinary unfit. hahahahahhahaaha =X
I realised how impatient and anger-oriented I can be. I-S-HHH.
THOUGH,
It was a good game. =)
Everyone in CC team got to play.
Everyone had fun? hahahahaha. =D

AND YEA MAN.
Is the people that matters, huh?

I still don't enjoy losing.
Being less appreciated or categorized as loser.
Forgive me Lord, for being prideful. =)

I remember deep-ly those days. =D
Bitter, and I seem to not be able to live up to my expectation(s). HAHA.
And seeing some crazy people pecah-ing records.
I trained too?
That was the time that I realised I am still that small and like that.
I am human. And just a human. =) HAHA.
There're always someone greater and better de lorr haha.

SORRY LORD, I am still learning how to take loses. =D
Even after 5 years of schooling. And 5 months of holidays.
I praise You, for the MSS-es that I hate and miss. HAHA. =P

LALALALALALALALA..

4 words or thoughts?

On 3:30 PM , Sunday, April 12, 2009

O Mighty Cross
by David Baroni, John Chisum

O Mighty Cross Love lifted high
The Lord of Life raised there to die
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

O Mighty Cross what Throne of Grace
He knew no sin yet took my place
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

O Mighty Cross O Christ so pure
Love held Him there such shame endured
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

O Mighty Cross my soul's release!
The stripes He bore have brought me peace
His Sacrifice on Calvary has made the mighty cross
A tree of life to me

BLESSED EASTER!!~ =)

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 12:36 PM , Saturday, April 11, 2009

PEOPLE LEAVING..

Even though I know this isn't the end of the earth.

L-E-A-V-I-N-G still sounds a bit sad to me. AHHH. =(

Some leaving next week, some leaving end of this month..
Some left early this year.

(.....................)

Well, after graduation., basically two things happens.

FIRST, peopls start disappearing.

SECOND, you would be wondering about your life. " What's next?"

For me lahh. HEHE.

I am staying for FORM 6. =D

It might sounds stupid/wasting time for many., but after all these holiday-ing months.

I am surer than before lohh.

WHY STAY?

1. Because I believe there're more amazing things to be happened in Kluang. HAHA. =X

2. Because I realised burdens will forever be burdens. We can never run away.

3. Because I never actually understand how SMKTHO people survive. hahahahahahaha.
4. Because I am not tired of the MSSD-es yet. hahahahaaha =)
5. Because my sis going Singapore soon and it will be a financial burden for my family mahh.

ETC.

NO LAH. Those are just excuses lahh. hahahaahahaha. =X

I just want to stay and sleep at home. =D

hahahahhahahahaha..

NO LAH.

I think., character building really eats up time.

T-I-M-E..
To be a committed Christian, making right decision(s)., doing the R-I-G-H-T thing(s).

I am not sure whether I can live alone and not be influenced by peer pressure ETC. =)

AND, the big city will always be there, won't run away lah!! but hometown only one lorrr..

HEHE.

Now is a time where friendship seems to be so fatigue.

Will people I know for long change for the worst?

Will people I know not for long become further away?
This is the hard part loh.

Sudden-ly, pictures like these become super valuable.
THOSE DAYS AHHH.. =)
Everything comes back to time, HUH?

LALALALALALALALA..

10 words or thoughts?

On 2:46 AM , Thursday, April 09, 2009

MAD WORLD
by Tears for Fears (1982)

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

LALALALALALALALA..

2 words or thoughts?

On 12:21 AM , Wednesday, April 08, 2009

The sky was yellowish orange. =)
A-N-D, I realised I love strings.

LALALALALALALALA..

5 words or thoughts?

On 6:58 PM , Monday, April 06, 2009

GUITAR FRENZ.

I realised.
Learning guitar can be addictive. =X
Since I have time for new instruments., =) been trying to learn more: from YMI(s)/JB., to Kluang.
Still a long way ahh, huh? L-O-N-G W-A-Y to go and L-O-A-D-S of stuff to learn.
hahahahahahahahaaha..

NOWADAYS., I found myself sitting in front of my lap-py.
Youtube-ing., searching for guitar/bass tabs, being WOW-ED by some crazy-ly awesome skills.
W-A-HH.. =D
hehe. =)
My hands wah. HAHA.
WOHOOO!!~

AND Y-U-P, I learnt to appreciate the used-to-be 'noises' and even deeply in love with the songs that I loved. WAHH.

Despite having much disagreement, negative comment(s) ETC.
I really love this song. Lyrics are awesome and close to heart., though sounds a bit weird lah hahahaha. =X

ALL I NEED IS YOU
Hillsong United

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak and won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray
Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

LALALALALALALALA..

6 words or thoughts?

On 9:43 PM , Friday, April 03, 2009

THIS NIGHT.

At the midst of cars.
I saw my reflection(s).
Asking Him the similar question.
" Am I just another soul?"

The fact is.
It isn't about the answer, which I knew clear-ly.
I just want to know He is T-H-E-R-E.
I guess this's the beauty of silience - loneliness.

LALALALALALALALA..

5 words or thoughts?

On 12:17 PM ,

inspired..

Finally, NO MORE formal stuff. =X
YAY!
Frankly, since day one, it has been mind-boggling.
SHOULD I GO?
I don't know. I hate being forced.
And no point going for an interview you have zero intention to get, right?

WELL, I went. =)
Early as 7:45am., the roads there were super confusing. I got lost among the tall buildings =X., HAIH. Lost among the unfamilar faces, sights, and chairs. No choice, time to learn to handle things without papa mummy huh?

Despite knowing It WILL be a terrible day, I really didnt expect it to be this ARGH!~
I was told that I didn't certify some important stuff. SO, what to do..
(............)
I went back SMKCC to certify lah. BUT, without the orginal copy (is with the JPA people)..
DR REKHA didn't want to sign ETC. Kena marah. UHH.
BUT somehow, I found myself waiting again.

We went into the interview roon in groups of five.
Introduce ourselves ETC.
You know, the main reason I didnt want to go is because I takut I will get it. ( perasaan I know)
BUT, after I went in, I honestly had no worries haha. =X

Instantly, I found four persons speaking with authorities, fighting for what they love.
From BP to JB.. Top scholar, don't know what campion..
I thought I was active in school. HAHA.
Guess what? THEY entered, won ETC in competitions I never even heard of before. =X
WOW. WOW. W-O-O-W..

A-N-D, I realised that I can talk quite a lot. =)
I realised if we tent to act/trying too hard to be so-called 'interlectual'., we're just the same as the others.
I learnt to not be ashamed of who I am. =D
hehehe. And it isn't that I don't take things seriously. I tent to laugh when I am nervous.=( UHH. UHHHH. HAIH hahahahahaa. I really can't help it lah.
AND hor, I realised there're 50! MRSM in Malaysia!!! AHHHHHH.

At the end of the day.
I realised I don't regret not running away. =P
I saw, met people who know what they're good at, what they love. And, go all out for them!
The bravery to merely put/visualize yourself in a high-achieving state and to public-ly declare with confidence and joy.
WOW. I am WOW-ED.

AND we said goodbye; made good use of technologies.
I doubt that I can ever owe that kind of confidence. =)
What I didn't say was : " WOW.. I am inspired.."

LALALALALALALALA..

6 words or thoughts?

This is me

TEO XUE QI =)
22-03-91
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore"
PSALM 16:11

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not me!

The rising sun
age old
yet new and inspiring
lighting up the world
with its soft pink rays;
just watching the familiar hues
dance on the still water
I return to emotions
that never truly left.
Just as the sun sets
it rises again
wide arms embracing a new day.

- Li Steins -

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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