Paint the . P L A I N

On 10:08 PM , Sunday, September 30, 2007

I carried grudges in my life.

One of it, is my desire to be in a sport school.

Last Thursday, En.anand was talking about TID, a way where trainers discover atlets, and keep them as their sport sport's atlet. He said, when we were F1, there was a calling. A calling to test, and qualify TRUE atlets. I hav no idea of such event. We were told tat, Yamina, a former Convent girl, is choosen. Now, she is SUKMA no1 for some sukan.

He said:"Masa itu, Teoxueqi dapat pertama, kenapa saya tak pilih dia pergi?"

I was told. He wanted to keep me in Convent.

Cut long to short, i m who i m bcoz of teachers' selfishness. I never had a chance to make my desicion. Yet, throughout the years, i been blushed in confusion. I never know about this. It was a chance that is never told.

I had a sudden breakdown. I mean, WHY? 1st thought: so unfair!

SO SO SO so so so heart-breaking. But, thinking of how i would not be by now, i had a sudden gladness. Juz glad. bcoz, i wont be who i m now, i wont know God, neither would i be going through so many soul-stirring moments. What a thrilling life! I had lots of treasure. Treasure that is uncountable by gold. But, love

I guess. It's true. Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

But, i dont wanna be one of those.

I always ask, Lord, why not a special sch? Why must i be the same?

Perhaps, that is what we are made to challenge with. How are we going to differenciate you, and others. Flame wont last, but life-changing experinces can.

I realise. It's not about me. It never is. It never will. I hav to accept, i m not made to be one. ya, i might be close, but i will never be. Yet, so often, we are so self-centered. We, me. So selfish that, we bcome so inmature to create jealousy, fight for friendship, feel free to mistreat each other. Quite obvious, we forgot. Forgot about who we are. How small we are, utterly what we should do.

We, included me. Obviously.

I was a painful reminder for me. But, when eyes are set far away from ourselves, hm. We will find peace. We will find satisfaction. We will find love, that lasts, and more valueable then my shopping list.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 3:28 PM , Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Who ever who did that,

Must be crazy

Shame of you.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 2:34 PM ,

Just a sudden feeling. STUDIES vs. SPORTS

Yesterday met DG. Hm. i was shirvelling. hehe~ so glad every1 had a great time. Hm. Unbelieveable, F3 actually appeared! haha~ i m glad for the faithful commitment.

Hm. PMR coming yor! hehe~ no my buisness, yet it seems to be. Recently, some are stress. But, some obviously are not. haha~ well, i indeed is amazed by such attitude towards studies. I remember, i was kinda VERY stress that time. Everything pressing down. Perhaps, the World changed. Hm.., anyway.. I been giving the so-called tips.

"The malay hor, dun do latihan ady, keep writing. Pracitce writting. Write and memorise karangan. "

Sound so stupid. but it works.

Well, i can actually see u guys' stress behind the "no lar!".. Hang on, juz two more weeks.

I was juz informed, i hav to complete in a MSSJ tis month. Hm. Hari Raya holidays all burned. I was juz wondering. How can a person actually live a selfless life? I mean, esspecially in sport career. U see, if i be a GOOD guy, i will share my skills, teach and encourage. At the end of the day, i might be overtake, or b a loser. But, i will be a winner to God. And live a fulfilled life. Then, isnt it that i hav not fulfill myself as an useful atlet? At the other hand, the bad person. Easy life, selfish to share. Train when no1 is around. At the end of the day, i will win! with glory and name. But, the name wont stay long. Mayb, juz another good atlet. I wont please any parties, juz myself.

hm. My desicion. No idea. I teach, encourage, share. But, deep inside. I cant put my pride down. It is so hard, esspecially my own competitor! ArGH! wait.., what about my targets to break records? my dreams to MSSM? juz be burned again? after all the sacrifices. My legs. my time. my mind. my trainers.

I guess. One thing i learnt earnestly during Johor Open. It is juz another competition.

But my fight of life, remains eternity.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 3:11 PM , Sunday, September 23, 2007

I HATE acnes!!

with all my heart, soul and mind. I terribly dislike, ARGH! acnes.

As the love of sport stretched my natural imperfect skin, seeing doctor was the only way. It wasnt that ashame to do so, but ppl are. Mayb, we are too prideful. For me, it was a tought road few years down, as this affects one's appearance. One's cconfident.

SO again, i went there. Far away from Kluang. To see him. ARGH. Everytime, i hope as that wil be the last time. This time, i saw my friend. weeeee.. Glad to. Yet, meeting at a clinic isnt that fun.

I can see. She is having the problem i struggled few years ago. Actually, some minor ones even now.

I guess, every1 wish for smooth, shiny, gorgerous skin. But no every1 has. Hem. concerning about tis, isn't God unfair? I mean, some juz dun even need to care about their skin, yet others need to.

I guess. It's simple. God has diferent plan for every1. Why? Bcoz, every1 is diferent lor!~ haha~ Tat explain, some r more intelligent, more good-looking, more sporty, more well-known... Perhaps, we hav diferent gifts, with diferent limits and abilities. God needs diferent ppl in diferent fields. Different places, purpose, roles, duties.. Yet, same purpose. For Him.

I tried hard to convince myself of this- everyone is special and unik, others might try hard to be who you are, they might be close, but they never wil be. It's hard to accept, but we aren't perfect. Obviously.

In the fullness of time, we wil wonder. Hm. Did I managed to be who I am, and differenciate the world and the real me..?

For those who are struggling with acnes, JIA YOU! dun be discouraged! I guess, God too has a reason for evert happenings. Perhaps, juz to share. Or more.

God been testing me. Quite often. But it made me happy, for the joy of the Lord, should be our strenght.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 3:01 PM ,

Superheroes are
special.

Yet, most have grudges in life.
They save,
yet fight to convince themselves.
For their special, isn't seen by themselves.

For my so-called superhero,

She deserves the rights to remain fabulous..

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 4:11 PM , Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It's not about me..

mum said: " ..if you miss Yf or church again, u wil not be in the band anymore"

I heard tat moments ago, and i simply juz wanna cry. Juz cry.

Sudden, i cant focus in my violin lesson. Neither in my sleep. I m totally sad. Dreadfully.

Ya, everytime. I always miss Yf. and church. But, do you actually think that i hope to do so? Noone ever wonder how i feel to miss Yf, and fight alone for weeks and days. Yet as i look back, i m labelled. Again.

Do you know how it feels to no be recharged on weekends, and face more terrible stuff for the following weeks? It sucks.

Always, it's never been supportive. Everyone.

I know how important studies is, and how important attending church is. But, do you have any idea how hard is it to stay strong, and act like nothing when ppl are taking your doings for granted? Well, not that in this whole Earth, only your mum will be angry with too many activities. Not that you r the only one who struggles in your studies. Not that I like to be labelled.

The whole world. Made me silent. I juz want to keep quiet. Juz silent. Everything shall stop, and i can simply rest. And not be labelled.

I hate to be catergorized as the "slacking" ones. Yet quite obvious, i m.

Thinking of the unfinishable reports, events, homeworks.. Studies.. Complains, disappointment.. I guess, i still am glad that we succeed the Farewell Party. YAY!! after from 7:41am (to pasar), untill 12am (washing dishes), I m exhausted yet satisfied. Thanks for those who helped so so much, and the F3 who willing put down their studies and help.

F5 are leaving. haih.. I will miss you all! and when i leave, i will surely, ultimately miss the F3 BOD. Esspecially RuRu! hehe~

It's ok, i cant judge. But i did learn. Between I.C and YF, i wil never please both parties. So, i wont. I wanna please God.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 5:38 PM , Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Everything Changes. Battown-lesbianism

Well, recently, ppl been moving away, and leaving. I dunno. Yup, Yfers are leaving silently, leaving again. More and more. Soon, it will be the form5s. Soon, it will be my turn. Juz one more year. and yup, i wont be staying for Form 6.

Sad rite? Ppl leave. Yet, they leave for good. Being out of the comfort zone, we learn and experince life. Yup..., after living years under the water, everyone does wish to get out of it. To find the true meaning. To find the true love.

For me, no doubt. I found lots of awesome wonders of life. I treasure.

Accept changes is harder than being changed without knowing it. Things are changing.. Yet daily routine remains so.. Full of desires, and disasters. Kluang, been shinning visible love. Love that isn't told.

After all, we still hav to pack up our thoughts, and hopes. Yup, life goes on. Its journey remains uncertained yet faithful. It simply reminds me of the feeling of MSSD and MSSJ.. Sport seasons.. Merdeka moments, cheering. Worship.. Camps.. THE moment. Everything is juz a feeling. Yet, it is so stucked and bring out our conscience.

Flame. It's juz a feeling. Where pride comes up. Yet, before this, cost is needed and pride muz be pulled back. After all, it will comes to an end. Nothing matters. 100 marks? Number 1? new records? Prettiest?

At the end, nothing matters. Juz how faithful were we. And did we changed any lives.

"If we are faithless,
He will remain faithful
for He cannot disown Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13

Life is precious. But we carry grudges. We carry hurt. And, we hurt others, or create 'drama', to juz feel the "good" feeling. Which is short-termed.

Not sure whether i will hav my tmr. But, i m grateful. For the so-called "Asian love" that isn't told. That glorious love that enables friends to remain so, and families to be united. Such love fills the incomplete of life.

But, we ask for more. And God will surely be pleased if we serve. That's why ppl leave.

Fighting against thoughts. Wishing things to stop, is simply selfish. That's why I hav to selflessly let go, juz Let Go. Environment wont change, but i can change my thoughts.

At such critical moment, it's sad and disappointing, yet interesting to know that BATTOWN been a serious issue in Convent. Ppl pay no respect to others, insulting each other. I cant believe they did said the badge of : ...menghormati guru-guru.. dan rakan-rakan kami.."

Quite obvious, some din say it with their heart. It's juz a surface impression.

Juz complaining. Yet not knowing how hard some tried to strive for Convent and change for its good. Perhaps, you guys should stop condemning 4sc1 pupils as lesbian mates which is simply RIDICULOUS! shame. Think b4 writting. You never know what suffering and hurts you brought to them!! Ahhhhh...!!!

Yet, it was the time where our class starts sticking together and encourage them. Letters, or simply a "Will be ok lar!"..

i guess. It did changed. Our class did changed. Finally, we learn to love each other. Be aware of the importance of relationship, compared to studies.

I am amzed by what Changes did. It melted me, and shown me the true friendship, and love. Lord, my deepest gladness. My deepest desire.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 3:40 PM , Friday, September 07, 2007

And, it ended. World Championship at Ostaka, Japan. WOW!! So excited!! I, as a lousy reporter would like to present some remarkable scenes (*what i think*).. Weee.. Be excited.

Okay! Liu Xiang rushed as a Gold medalist!! WOW!! so fast! 12.94.. awesome.

Guess what, he is the only China Gold medalist!! YAY!!

But, dun forget. He is the world record holder. Means, he might make a new world record in Beijing's Olympic! Gosh. He is cool.
and, he is more than humble.
"I am just a normal person." said Liu Xiang b4 competition.
Later winning, he said:"...finally, i can show Asia speed.."

This is Felix. A spetacular American who really can run. Gosh. She easy win for 200m was so so SO *geng*. Goodness. Weeee.. I wonder how hard she trained. Well, i admire her life.

Well, the Americans basicly took everything. 4x100, 4x400.. I din see Malaysia's name. Sad. and this guy running, also got 400 hurdle Gold. I forgot his name. Too long. But, he is also a cool star. The world excepted him to break record, but he din. But, for me, he was so fast! Nvm, next year Beijing! YAY!! you can!!

She ar.. Forgot name. Sorry. too long. Err, she got Gold for high jump. But din break world record. World record is 2.10m. Goodness. Tat is really high man..

Actually, tis isnt the winning guy.. hehe~ no pic.. so.. i pura-pura lor.. haha~ anyway, it was a dramatic win! WOW!! At 1st, that guy (A) *forgot name, too long* got a jump of 8.46m, which is the furthest. Then, another guy (B) jumped 8.47m as his last jump. WOW!! but he like gone crazy.. Roaring:" I m the best.. I m the best..!!" Overeacting. well, he wasn't the best. Guy A jumped 8.57m as his last jump, he got back the victory. Exciting rite? Wahaha.. Moral lesson: Dun underestimate others, nor overestimate yourself. Thus, believe, and it somehow will happen.

Behind the victory, there are atlets hurt, and faced failure. Joy eshausted. Dream killed. I saw my dream in their dream. I m sure they too trained so so SO hard, but they still lost. I guess this is when God tests our faith, and passion. The fear of losing. Well, i think losing loses nothing. They gained experinces that i and others will never taste, or even dare to dream of.

Through them, i saw my broken shadow. Their passion, burned mine.
Do you believe in miracles? Yes, I do.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 9:08 PM , Saturday, September 01, 2007

I hav something to say..

Hmm... Tis year's Merdeka is, one of my favourite, remarkable one. Why? Mainly, 30 aug was THE day.. Our hard work, efford of the kitar semula thing.. And need to take charge of it. Hmm.. Yeap.. It still live in my heart. And, makes me smile. hehe~ I m more than glad, to perform as 4Sc1. Yeap.. For once, we stayed together. We fighted. We scolded each other. Screaming here and there. Ya, but why? Ya.. because, you guys changed. A lot. Goodness, after 4 years. I seen lots of changes which i m so proud of it. I heard your sincere voice, with a passion. Unity. Seriously, when we started singing, i was going to cry.. Hahaaha~ that moment, i was sudden content with all i hav. Why Malaysia? Why Kluang? obviously, why Convent? Finally, it was so clear. No mistakes. No doubt. I cant believe, i actually felt like God was so near, and listening. I guess, i m more than content. YAY!! I dun care what others think, it was our sincere, united voice, that no one can change. One more year together, just a year left. Time flies. Ya.. And i surely will miss. Every moment..

"Thank you..!! YAY!!"

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

This is me

TEO XUE QI =)
22-03-91
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore"
PSALM 16:11

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