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Keep your head high
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喜欢?

On 2:45 PM , Thursday, July 30, 2009
人家每次说, 做自己喜欢的东西最开心..

我觉得, 自己好象还活在状况外?
今天考试也结束了..对我而言, 好象没差.
因为, 第一次..真的考天才. 没什么读书..=(

没有松懈的感觉. 也没有成就感?

不过, 近来都真的. 忙不过来..
第一..严重中电脑毒!=.=!!
加上. 那时的篮球,羽球.. 小提琴考试表演..
有不少决定要做. 不想做出错选择. 压力..
认识了新朋友上上下下.. =) 心中也时不时有不同的感叹.

今天分考卷. 看见大家那么兴奋.我一点也没感受.
心中有一定的压力..
怕.是怕输吧? 应该是觉得自己不够厉害..哈哈!!
奇怪, 我都不是读书的料.为什么人都觉我是呢? =.=!!

总觉得. 为什么就不能读自己喜欢的东西而已.
讲真的. 有点无奈..
但是自己喜欢的东西又好像不够好..=.=
没有路走了..哈哈!!=D

哈哈. 我没有堕落.
每天活得还蛮有意思. =) 上课有很多欢乐.哈哈.
很喜欢跟人讲话. 真的.. 总觉各人有不同的个性.有趣! =)
想一想. 也是好好打理学业的时候了吧..

当一个人说自己喜欢一样东西时, 他是真的喜欢吗?
喜欢, 是因为容易, 方便, 还是真正的热爱? =X

我觉得. 每样东西都惹人又恨又爱吧.. 人也是咯..
喜欢, 可以很肤浅..
热爱, 就不同了吧! 因为爱上自己不'喜欢'的东西,让简单的事物变得有非凡的价值..

昨天打篮球.没压力, 好爽..=D
要去练羽球了打球笑人了.. 不想打没把握的仗所以很'biarrrr!!'
哈哈..=D

感谢主..运动存在.=)
9 words or thoughts?

good-bye

On 12:38 AM , Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I was going to sleep.
But I got up to blog. =)

Well. Time to say goodbye? =D
hehe. Meiqi going Singapore lor tomorrow.
You can say people can always come back? But, still. There's much differences lor. It's sort of like the home not complete without everyone in it? (really lieh..)

You see. I only have one bigger sister.
But. Not one I can 24/7 remains peaceful with garh. ( really..) Esspecially when we grew up, differences in opinions and ways of dueling things? hmm. But, somehow, we would always get ourselves gathered, sometimes middle of the night, talking. Talking.

Talking.
From my sports. To my friends.
From her friends. To her computer games.

We call that sister-hood, huh? =D

Would be weird without someone ting-ting-tong-tong middle of the night playing piano, or hearing some random laughter. And, no one to turn to if got some horror things going on? =D Time to be the eldest at home liao?

Tonight I will sleep and wake up thanking the Lord.
What a family I have eh?
Imperfectly perfect.

bye-bye =),
great dreamer~

I don't want to be too busy for myself. =)
WOOOOTS! EXAM!!

6 words or thoughts?

this night

On 9:55 PM , Saturday, July 25, 2009
This night was beautiful.
I went out with my mom. =)
Some time-out? (............)
I looked back from Myvi. Saw streets of dark-ly shining light(s).
Insignificantly. Drew many people to walk through its path?
Walking. Half of my mind - Physics. Half of it. Else where.
王历宏-<脚本>, keep running through my mind.

0 words or thoughts?

^@^ ^-^ ^O^

On 9:41 PM , Friday, July 24, 2009
No point lingering upon the same problem.
"Today's bold experiment is tomorrow's classic dish"

MOVE.
Move forward?
After all. We're not the Planner eh? =D

sometimes, it's the sense of belonging keeps one going? I guess, the whole point of not having it, is for us to appreciate the places God alloted us to be in differently bah.=)

"Don't let the yearn of security to limit you from doing greater things"?

I am telling myself.
Hang on. =)
When the spirit of defeat starts to manipulate the mind. Hang on.
"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God."
- 2 Corinthians 5:20

still trying to grap hold of the momentum to study.=.= (fighting against the evil 'friction'!!!! =P haha!!) Looking forward to badminton match 1 Aug.=) *JIAYOU TEAMATES!! hoho!! *
2 words or thoughts?

summary

On 5:11 PM , Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Usually I won't get tired of blogging.
Love hearing voices to voices. Talk banyak, ask here and there =D
But recently, I find it hard to truly express what I feel?
To summarize how am I doing. Questions like : " How was your week?" seems to keep me thinking, cracking my head etc.

UHH.=P
Yesterday during Lecture. Three of us (me with mama and papa =P) were sort of sharing what we feel, learnt and why(s)., expectations in these two years etc. So I shared quite a lot. But when I got back home. I sort of realised I didn't and wasn't able to fully express what state I am in?

HEHE.
Hard to really verbalise feelings in the midst of unknown?

Today Wan Jun asked me (in chinese) : So you been here with us for quite some time liao., still want to tranfer back to F1?

In my mind. Clueless.
Maybe, I gave up too fast and hardly imagine dapat tranfer back?
Or. I am still not believing that all these things happened?

DUNNO. REALLY. =)
But honestly. It still is heart-wrenching. To pass by. To see my place being removed. To see much going-on without me. I guess, time to let go yah? =D

I guess. Growing up. I been choosy when it comes to friends?
we can never run away. God will always bring back the one thing we find it hard to duel with? ( man... so true..=X )

=)
At the end of the day.
I am happy?YEAP. Well. Sad, of course. But will get back on tune! =D
I realised it has been quite challenging.
Even from the first day of Form 6? (really lie..)
HAHAHAHA =D
Glad to know many awesome close-to-heart friends.
A banch of ball-lovers! Both badminton and basketball!!! =)
Some super smart brainy people! =P
And kepo, but really important banch of lunch partners!! =D

I look back.
I did what I used to find it reluctant to do.
"Class : PU1 F3"
This sudden distract was too random and painful.
I learnt to lay down my pride.
Not what I desire,but Your plan is far more greater?

堕落是否, 是个选择. 我选择成长..
7 words or thoughts?

Saturday

On 12:58 AM , Sunday, July 19, 2009
.." Permanent joy can only comes from the heart of man. For the believer, joy in the inner man can only come through the grace of God. "


8 words or thoughts?

Once again

On 4:21 PM , Thursday, July 16, 2009
I finished my violin exam?
UNBELIEVABLE. =X

YAY? hahahaha. YAY!!
Just that, things are happening super fast. =)
I am a bit, still, out of pace?
Bear-ly breathing proper-ly, but it's time to run liao?

Back to exam. HAHA!!
AIYOOO. Dunno why lar, something weird will just happen?
UH. The moment we (me and teacher) went in, wanting to start, my violin went out of tune. =.=!!!!! and then. You know lar, kelam-kabut. GAH!! etc..=D OH YA. and, my sight-reading was really sight-reading. Meaning : I have no idea what was I playing. =(

hehehehehehehe. =)
Things are happening too fast bah?
Smiling, knowing I am smiling =), but just that. Tired?

身旁有很多让我感叹的事? 突然之间的改变,得放下很多事.,心情不定. 不晓得自己还能继续? 很多吞不下的厌倦, 无奈, 压力.. 麻醉了? ..... 交叉路口. 违背, 还是服从?

你啊..要找到活着的意义.. =)

Once again. Life as a slacker for a day? =D
A cute fat calmness, a little sweet peaceful-ness.
am reminded of Your greatness, not circumstances.

ONCE AGAIN
- MAtt Redman


Jesus Christ, I think upon Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times I've wondered at Your gift of life
And I'm in that place once again
I'm in that place once again

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life

Now You are exalted to the highest place
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow
But for now, I marvel at Your saving grace
And I'm full of praise once again
I'm full of praise once again

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross, my Friend

0 words or thoughts?

lost sheep

On 4:55 PM , Wednesday, July 15, 2009
They say female species have special instincts. An ability to "feel" what people think or whether the person likes or hates them? hmmm.

WELL.
Me, quite agreeing bah. =)
You know, I find that the hardest thing amongst the hard things even in these few months of Form-6-ing is to acknowledge the drama(s) and real-life always-there-but-never-discovered truths?
People's true heart.
People's ultimate not-good motives.
People's suffering?

Sometimes, it's hard simply hard to hear or even see the weary shadow of people who are less forturnate? Why. Is this fair? Why must some people get happy family, bahagia, no finiacial or etc problem, but some left to strive for survival even at such young age?

Not enough people who would truly care, just for the sake of caring. Not enough time for people around to know what really is going on in their minds? Perhaps, It's our culture. Or people are just too prideful or not that open?

DUNNO.
really. Dunno. This is harder than Physics?
When we say that we are not alone. Are we truly convinced?

I have long lost words for many things.
I guess. Do what can do done?
Been quite okay =) in my new class. Enjoying the floating-ness I guess?
Violin exam tomorrow gar.. =X
Just that.It has been in my mind for some time. Why.
Why so unbalanced-ly unbalanced? UH.

The Lord's arms open wide for the lost sheep.
Every single one.
" Come back., come back.."
Listen, and you will hear..=)

你, 让我不知所措..
2 words or thoughts?

回到过去..

On 7:41 PM , Saturday, July 11, 2009
Today went back to ex-school for Hari Koko. =)
You know. The kind of atmosphere, the kind of crowd, the kind of view from far., really brought back lots of memories. Weird thing is, quite a big group of us (ex-schoolers) went back eh? =P I guess, not only aku miss school yah?

The moment we bursted into laughter. It seemed like time revised?
hahahahahahahahaha. =)
Back to English zone, that slope, the same canteen..=D
Memories really do stay huh?

决定吞下这口气.. 不要堕落了.=)
我, 会努力不哭了. 是上帝的安排, 我要接受.
not sure how. but I will. a realisation that it has been some time since I really sat down to be silient before God eh?

when you ask for God to break you, He will really break you.
REMEMBER?


9 words or thoughts?

lost control

On 2:56 PM , Friday, July 10, 2009
This is a point in my life that I truly is speechless.
Disappointed by how power is misused etc.
Making wrong, right? =.=

Why.Why people who suppose to be our guide, inspirations ended up as the ones who stumble us in return? What happened to "..giving the best for the students."? All about whether your work is done easily?


.....................................................

Really. 无奈.
People around can either encourage, or do the opposite.
"others already adapt lorh., why can't you also.."
Only the ones who kena know lor.
People talk about what happened, but you go through the whole process?

Not sure how.
Might consider stopping school or maybe carry on bah.
Really need some time out. Seriously, no motivation to carry on liao?
not worthy it to leave so many friends behind for a nobody?

Because of the ways you did your work.
Because of the way you treat me.
I want to fight for our rights. But no battery liao?in and out, seeing teachers..In and out. I realise It's hard to accept injustice that happen esspecially when things happen on me.

................................
He moved on. She moved on.
They moved on. This is the hardest thing to know? =)
失去了对长辈的尊敬..没有了学习的热忱..
24 words or thoughts?

deeper

On 9:41 PM , Wednesday, July 08, 2009
Do you know that there was rainbow around 7pm though it did not rain?

" Rainbow.. rainbow. =)"
Be reminded of God's presence?

This incident broke my heart. But I realised even deeper. Deeper than usual.
People around. People around, are there?
thanks, won't be enough eh? r e a l l y ..

To certain extend, you all made my speechless.

Because of you all.=P
Because of You.
Because of how You put people so right in place.
stop stumbling liao? =D
perhaps, this is what it's called life. where people make it real; people make it simple and perfect..=P
7 words or thoughts?

Adoration?

On 4:52 PM ,
We had our first Pre-exam 'trials' yesterday night. I couldn't really focus? hmm. You know. One of the songs I am playing is called Adoration. This song is a bit special, because I always treat it as a thanksgiving song for the Lord. =)

That night. I could bearly play properly?
" Praise God even during the bad times.."?

No idea why.
Everything seems to break apart suddenly.
Let's just say, I had enough?

Today was my first day in Pu1F3. Heard about lots of stuff that even sadden me. Gossips about me looking down on F3?
hmm. Just to clarify. I did blog about me unwilling to study there. But, It isn't about the class or the people. It's just that I miss being in F1?
Whatever. Really whatever. Not worthy to be a problem.
Sorry for the masam face.=( I am really tired already.
Tired of people ( i know who you are) saying stuff behind my back yet projecting a happy face in front of me?
Tired of the way things are. The ridiculous system. @*^#($&^#$!*@
Tired of being 'buang'-ed/randomly kicked aside without warning?

Sorry. Really am sorry.
But, I am human too? got limits eh?
To certain extend, I don't really care what people think lie bah. Planned to ponteng to simply rest instead of being this emotionally unstable / easily affected. But, hehehehe.. I am just trying to strive for whatever hope I have to have a second chance?

Why. Why so abandoned?
Suddenly so much thoughts about quiting or giving up to run away.
what happened to the transforming people's lives bringing joy missions?


This is a selfish world. People move on.
A war to fight?
I want to fight for it, not because it's deserving. I never actually fight for something this eagerly before eh? =X


Lots to face. No more strength.
堕落.. time to raise up?
Will pull myself back again. =)
No worries. Still alive. Wanna give up, but will not.=D
lost count of my unsatisfactions, tired.
I am tired liao.need a break..
4 words or thoughts?

drew lots

On 4:32 PM , Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Today was a day to remember?
Well.. During our lecture, teacher masuk, and out of the blue. 8 of us were asked out to draw lots. Draw lots, to see who unlucky, have to change to another class.

Reason: F3 has only 17 pupils left. need people to go there?
AHHHHH. You know larh. I kena lor.
Let's just say I been seriously unlucky? from yesterday..ups and downs.=.=!!

You know.
The moment I saw what I got. I nearly burst into tears?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH..
ARGH. Of course I didn't cry larh.=P
But just that. It was so sudden, and after all the accumulated low self-esteem happenings, sort of felt rejected, what I see, people's reactions, the not-good-enough-ness..
I broke down lo. Tell me, how to not?

Just because I was unlucky, drew lots kalah. Masuk another class. Then you're telling me all this while same-class-ing there isn't any feeling lar? Are we that unworthy to let our future be determined by lots?

Well. I am sad. Freaking sad?
You know. I always been my pleasure to be in this class ar. Really. I love the kind of environment, people sitting around, right got inconsistent Yan Hong, left got nice-to-bully Ah Da!, front of pinky toy to push?(haha!!), back got rolls of Mr. Smart(s).. Though seriously, sometimes really just hate/disappointed with the guys - being inefficient, discouraging etc. (=P..)

Abruptly, no grip? no 'home'; no purpose?

Tell you a truth.
Main reason why didn't I changed stream is because, I found a class that is more than worthy/fun to be in. A place to be called home?=)

Thanks ar people. For being so 'agresif' in trying to make things work. I appreciate it! =D hehehe. Weird hoh? times like this, four of us gathered again.=) "That's what friends are for..", I am deeply, in silience reminded.

People in PU1F1. JIA YOU LO!! would be great if I can get back.. We'll see. Just to clarify, I enjoyed every single minute. Seriously, and time having each of you all..=) JIA YOU LIEH!!

We took this picture because Sin Yee was to leave.
Didn't expect this coming. me leaving too?
time will make passed people the past. I know that. I really am clueless, why me? why why why..but is Your plan huh?

6 words or thoughts?

Segamat mana?

On 11:37 PM , Sunday, July 05, 2009
hehe. Finally back home. After the traveling(s).
A lot in my mind.
And, dun really know how to verbalise things? =)

well..Let's just say this experience was an eye-opener. To see, acknowledge so many national players' geng-ness. WOOOOT!! me = amazed! seriously. Amazing..the kind of acuracy, speed, team spirit.=)

Back to our team.
Well. I know clearer than anyone on earth that this isn't a deserving placing?
YUP. THOUGH. I thank God for this opportunity.=D
I really do. hahahahaahahahahah.
Great time being crazy with a banch of crazy-ly crazy people. hahahaha. Travelling never was boring?=D hahahahaha! I appreciate it a lot!
For the dark side, hehe. You know larh. Arguement? WOH. hmmmm.

I learnt that confidence is actually something important in sports, either crush you or build you up. I realised even clearer that I am not that confident, and easily beaten by my own intimidating thoughts or others' opinions? hmmmm.

hehe. Am tired. Back to normal routine.=D
10 days away from..
Loads of homeworks accumulated from a week of Pre-hari koko busyness etc.
Really am scared by the vagueness of tomorrow. But, I am happy. Really happy!, to let life live? =D

ENCOURAGED.
So much to learn. So much to face.=)

感谢, 感谢你们的照顾.. 谢谢..
在你们身上学到很多.从球艺`关心朋友的态度`自立独立`到鼓励对友的方式.
这将是我的第一.最后但最美的体验..=)


4 words or thoughts?

stop!

On 2:29 PM , Friday, July 03, 2009
Today as I was walking out of STK C gate. I saw something really encouraging. I saw a guy, talking to a guy. (HAHA!!) well. I mean a friend happily talking to another schoolmate who has illness that somehow restricted him from growing up.

DUNNO.
Things like that just don't often happen.
Too many dramas?
Too many realistically realistic happening(s), observation(s)?

All about 'me' huh?
We just don't often see a friend talking to another friend, pure-ly to talk and enjoy having each other without any school-orientated/wrong/songsang-ed thoughts etc eh?
People are what count?
hmm. really, really enjoy being in this crazy class.=) I really do!!!=P but just that, I still can't really grap hold of the balance between school work and people?

I realise that I truly found comfort in You.=P..
You must look into other people as well as at them.-Lord Chesterfield


I realised that yup., those popularity stuff(s) really do affect me in a totally different way. But a contradict realisation that it's the little kind, love-showing actions protrayed by human-ly people that changed my day..=)

B L E S S E D. =D

1 words or thoughts?

This is me

TEO XUE QI =)
22-03-91
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore"
PSALM 16:11


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not me!

The rising sun
age old
yet new and inspiring
lighting up the world
with its soft pink rays;
just watching the familiar hues
dance on the still water
I return to emotions
that never truly left.
Just as the sun sets
it rises again
wide arms embracing a new day.

- Li Steins -


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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