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justice

On 9:46 PM , Friday, April 30, 2010
I've been having a hard time accepting different layers of perspectives among human beings. I realise justice isn't prevailed when needed, yet I can do nothing.

The more I analyse; the more I observe, the angrier I'm.
Even 'till a point, I couldn't cope with the way the world runs.
Overwhelmed; frustrated.

Where is justice?
Or, perhaps, have I wrongly defined justice?

Sad, because, once again, couldn't take control of things. Angry, to see people I care a lot to endure such injustice and people inclined to disobey the basic rule of respecting each other. They caught me thinking, change your world?

I realised that I'm quite stubborn. When it's time to accept another point of view, I can't help it but to insist in what I want. Though, many times, what I want isn't what should be done, eh?

Took a rest on Thursday. At last, off the noises.
Found calmness; ill-bit of healing.
Another Friday with no movies, party plans like the others;
but band practise, looking at and analysing the sky.. :)
and few random jokes.

Somehow, they seems satisfying.
Enough for me to have such a day, as bald as it's.
Don't worry, I'm hanging on. haha.=)
0 words or thoughts?

domain

On 11:44 AM , Sunday, April 25, 2010
It has been quite some time since I received direct constructive criticism concerning me playing the violin. Of course, excluding my violin teacher lar. haha. Used to be quite scared or sad if kena, but, this morning, felt so blessed to have it.

She came to me and told me about where I can improve. She mentioned that when few instruments are being played together in a band, it's like a line graph. Each line for respective instruments lar. When one of them peaks, the others complement it, not fade away or retreat. When it's your turn to dominate the flow of the song, be bold and take the lead.

Woah. Felt so pumped up. =)
It's hard to imagine. Instead of us serving using our instruments, God can actually use them to teach us things in line with our daily encounter. Even our instruments. Woah man.

Once again, deeply in love with its tune.
That wood-ish, fine tune. Many times, inspires.=)

I realised.
God does things far beyond our creativities, imaginations or the wonders of our mind. True enough, God isn't an explanation; God is a revelation.

Amazed, yet, yet to be awakened.
该走的, 时间到, 会走.
0 words or thoughts?

你知道吗?

On 4:16 PM , Thursday, April 22, 2010
雨天. 勾起不少回忆.
以前的我们. 现在, 你们, 还过得好吗?

你知道吗?天空每一天都不同咧.
真的, 好美. 尤其是一大早.. 淡淡的粉; 淡淡的蓝.敬佩.
没有去处, 沉重时.
天空, 一种安慰; 一种陪伴.
没事, 天还没榻, 还未结束.

他们曾经是所谓的一对.
什么都听的听众; 似全世界的一个人.
许下的偌言,没有了.
不知她为他流下了多少泪; 不知他哪来爬起来的勇气.
成为陌生人, '爱情'的代价?

免不了人与人误会.
人期望, 难免.
活在众人眼光下的, 谁懂,不被重视, 没价值的感受?
但好像被人监视着,
被指指点点的心声, 又谁了?
没有错误的空间, 掩盖疲累的笑容.

其实. 没有配角, 也没有主角.

看见老师们教学的拼命.
有种敬佩; 有种心酸.
今天的她, 看见蛋糕, 流下眼泪. 看了..
所谓的做大事改变世界, 其实, 是如此小.
感激, 存有愿意牺牲的人..=')

雨天, 是恶梦?
多少, 趁着雨偷偷哭. 多少, 趁着雨胡思乱想.

没办法. 总有被撕破的心.
祈祷.希望迷失方向的人, 赶快回家.
5 words or thoughts?

judgement

On 2:58 PM , Monday, April 12, 2010
One of those days I wish I'm living alone far away. Harsh words, I realised either way, good friends or not-very close friends, many place judgements. Felt so condemned. Doing good can be something horrible in some other else's view, what's more for something people claim as a 'mistake' eh?

Today in the lab, doing comfirmation tests. Only at the end did we realised we got the wrong cation. 5 min left, did and actually found the answer. Though along the way, tooo excited and burnt my skirt with sulphuric acid. haha. Koyak.

My knee was burning but too focused on the result.
My skirt wouldn't have koyak if I wiped it off on the spot.
Realised. Only if I did what needed quick and at the right time.

Am I making wrong decisions?
I realise I can't fix things like I used to already.Too late?
Used to cope well with schoolworks but now struggling; used to know how I'm portrayed in the eyes of people.

My life, yet not mine.
What an beautiful truth, yet a heavy price to pay?

脆弱. 人与人, 好脆弱.
5 words or thoughts?

my hand,your hand

On 9:37 PM , Sunday, April 11, 2010
You know, there's something about holding someone else's hand that holds an enormous drive or power. When hands are held together, some sort of connection is made. It links two souls, giving each other support, sense of belonging, safety and companionship.=]

I realise an ability to feel is actually an awesome gift.
To know what lays inside another soul, not by words nor speech but felt by touching. To understand and share the burden of another being in an unique silent way. Not known by others but two of you.

Sometimes, even by touching. I caught myself crying.
Emotions are electrifying? haha.XD

No wonder it's different when people who shares the same heart-felt pray with hands held tight. It makes a circle. A circle of great value, unity. A team makes a simple prayer significant.=]

Amazed by the unseen and seen world.
Through a simple touch, or holding hands;
Love is expressed, thoughts are read, expectations fulfilled.
In awe. Wooah. Amazing.=)
0 words or thoughts?

respect

On 8:49 PM , Thursday, April 08, 2010
Today as we were having Chemistry class, she was teaching us Thermochemistry. She asked us to draw the similar diagram she drew, and not all got the concept. She finally went on just before the lesson ended, illustrating the reactions between molucules and atoms as making cake. "Just like making cake, you have to add this ingredient and mix with the other one, giving something.."

haha! I was laughing all the way. Both inside, out.

Hard to imagine, people willing to give up their life and dedicate time, effort and mind in educating another generation. Woah. =] Trying their very best, even if it takes extra '==' or doing anything possible to make us understand. What an honor.

That day, I saw something heart-breaking. Somehow. She was tegur-ing a student for not wearing his tie properly ar. The student was quite harsh, leaving her in silence and teary eyes when he walked away with an angry look. Me, looking at her. Felt so helpless, ill-down to see her expressions.

That sadness of not having an ability to change things.
Disappointed face, because she truly cares.

People like them, keep the school going.
What people care and see is how did our results are. But them, they walked each day with us. For worst and good. Faithfully, never fail.

In awe of their high commitment.
That perhaps, I will never have courage to take on.

I give thanks for school.
A place where we can learn not just from what we read but what we see and survive with.
Tiring long way ahead, won't give up.=]

不想成为冷血动物.
1 words or thoughts?

freedom

On 7:57 PM , Tuesday, April 06, 2010

0 words or thoughts?

good friday

On 11:39 PM , Friday, April 02, 2010
Woke up at 4am with a sharp pain pursing through my stomach. In and out of the toilet few times, still, dragged myself to school. Tahan-ed all the way in school. Though, because this day started oddly bad, I knew It will be a different one.

This night. After much preparations.
And fear lar of course.

Glad that this day was special.
Spent time with the One, recap what Jesus did on the cross.
Led worship, had lots of fun doing it.
Saw the people I care there, listening. In tears.

Shivered. Standing there.
Not out of fear.
His presense, too huge to comprehend.

Thank You for this imperfectly perfect day.
Thank You for my broken yet healed life.
Thank You for the Cross.
A place where grace and suffering met.

望着十一点的夜空, 回味快乐.=]
0 words or thoughts?

烂苹果

On 3:10 PM , Thursday, April 01, 2010
Exams are over yet it seems to be even more burdening.
Trying to move forward, but always can't help it to look back.
Got back my papers. Healed my crushed spirit, got myself moving.

Realised. Been too playful and lazy.
Too comfortable in slugging. Realised that, It kind of became a culture for people to say: "it's okay.." to get low marks in Form 6 because it's hard. Making things sound as if we should do badly in exams in Form 6 eh?

Today as I was passing by. Heard laughter coming out.
I Peek. And an instant sadness drained me.
Outcast. Outsider. No longer the way it used to be.
Sudden-ly recalled that scenorio. Me speaking to her.

"..how can you let luck determine our future?" I asked.

She told me:"xueqi..you see, that's the way it's already. You can either stay at where you're, or you leave and go else where.."

Sad to say. I can never forget that day.
Blue-ish beautiful sky, yet felt as if the world was falling apart.
That day made me an outcast, no matter how.

Many things been awesome.
The times we shared, I'll never trade anything for them.=]
But I disagree when people say happiness can replace dispirited.
It can never.

It'll forever be there.
Deep down hidden beneath layers of the 'okay' things.
Time will tell. The Lord will heal.

He gives and takes away, it makes us stronger.
0 words or thoughts?

This is me

TEO XUE QI =)
22-03-91
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore"
PSALM 16:11


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not me!

The rising sun
age old
yet new and inspiring
lighting up the world
with its soft pink rays;
just watching the familiar hues
dance on the still water
I return to emotions
that never truly left.
Just as the sun sets
it rises again
wide arms embracing a new day.

- Li Steins -


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

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