Paint the . P L A I N

On 4:53 PM , Monday, April 30, 2007

Yalar.. STk joy lor..

hem.. We lost.. haha.. well, after all, hard work, stay backs.. somehow, when the result was out, ppl juz cried like mad.

I was, a bit mad too. n cried a bit. For a moment, i realised i was wrong. I really tried my really best, not sleeping for a day, try to complete the last-minute jobs.. I SHould be GLAD!!! YAY!! i m.. i enjoyed spending time with ppl i want to know more.. throughout the week, i learnt to care, interact, n listen to others. Which, will never appear in my Biology book.

Hem.. i wonder, which one is the 'real' knowledge?

Haha~Saturday was so long.. basicly, morning when..go yf, n went there again. Work seems to be unfinishable.. Totally exhasted. but, guess wat! Some wonderful girl when my house, to complete the 'undone'.. hehe.. basicly, i slpt at 4 something. n woke up at 6am.. 2 hour sleep.. others, 3 ppl(included Josie) slept at 5++am.. n two DIDNT! sleep.. haha..

Dunno. I wasnt really sad to lose. Mayb i lost my faith when i saw Chong Hwa's wonderful huge excibihion. n even kena like hundred times of marah by se-senior.. n no idea wat will happened.

Yet, some1 juz came, said:" Xueqi ar.. so fast give up.. i havnt leh..we cannot give up, if not, junior will give up aso.."

I guess, i woke up. Ya. tat night, i was terribly eshasted. but, they all was energised in the sence, eventhough tired. we kinda really noe each other, n shared secrects..n cried. I was touching to change "surface" ppl.. HAHAHAH!! eat.. talk lik no tmr(to ensure no sleeping).. n kinda dehydration.. coz no time to drink.. hungry.. haha..

Sorrow, or pain? hem.. i m happy. Cause i know i got a lot in the process. n giant friendship. Which i think matter the most.

" Unity!!"

i guess we did tat. but, i guess we didnt do out of the box. n create something new. With a BANG! well, a bit planning problem.. n sketch, i cant believe tat audions loved it, n we at the back stage, was so, seriouly, terribbly kelam- kabut n disappointed.

Next year, hopefully, it wont be happening again. It wont. A little faith, but more to reality. but ya, we WILL. Preparation, mustnt b late. Hopefully, we wont repeat the wrongs, make good use of tis particular year, n shine for Him.

Is over. Again?! one more gone. More to come. haha~ yea, indeed i m busy.

Gone, but seems tat, i can handle "MISSING" feeling n emptiness after a sudden stop. hem.. mayb i m used to it. BUt, i really learnt a lot. No1 understand, onli those involed. Really, a thanks.. I really hope eventhough lost n pysically exhasted, we r still strong in spirit..

Glad for last Yf.. hem. A Yf tat i longed to happen. Finally. I really hope relationship will be better, friends can b friends again, Convent will be better! yay!!

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 8:09 AM , Thursday, April 26, 2007

we had a great time together. Talking. Wanted to know more, play a games. haha..~

i wonder why God put me in such great committee. hem~it coz a lot. My studies.. my time.. n my sleeping.. but i juz cant stop loving every moment doing stuff i guess. Is like gone crazy, ur mind totally cant think, n juz painting. haha~

knowing tat not every1 is doing work, it sucks. We did more than we wanted to. Yet, we got back more than we wanted to. A great freindship n built relationship.

I wonder. hem, m i a entertainer or entertained. I guess i m a entertained entertainer..

i enjoyed..~ haha.. :)

Yet, i look through blogs. hem, felt bad. not anything, juz felt so. Mayb i know too much.

Goodness, i m really out of the World. will be doing so again. Sailing starts from Lumut to Sarawak. a bit unwillingness to go. no diferences to anyone, but i felt so.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 7:10 PM , Tuesday, April 24, 2007

hem.. Gosh!! I m SO BUSY!! YAY!!

Yet, happy.

there is crazy, tiring time..

fastrated moments..

fighting moments..

n eat!! YAY!!

yet, happy, really happy!!

well.

a bit disappointed

my class gone better

we seems to be united!! YAY!!

yet, got back to line..

heard tat lots of happens

hem.. sudden.. i thought tat

mayb we forgot wat we should be doing

"be the salt n light of the World!!"

hem.. Why must sisters quarell..?

competition..

watever

dun get it.. Juz 5 years of life time together..

Why dun treasure ??

For me.. i treasure very moment in class..

I LOVE MY CLASS!!!! YAY!!!

Ohh..> n the boardss.. YAY!!

eventhough i had a hard time accepting other's imperfection..

n their laziness.. arrghhh!!!

hem..at least i tried..

i know i failed to treat everyone well

but i m sorry..

i m not perfect, i m stress

watever..

Plz..

STOP IT!!

seek of hearing new believers telling me

"xueqi.. why church there hor, so many ppl quarell wan?"

i silenced.. told her no1 is perfect

n said

"mayb they forgot.."

I really hope u all didnt forgot.. Plz..

is hard to love an enemy..

but guess wat?

i did it..!!

but two more to go..OX

hem.. at least i tried.. haha..

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 11:40 AM , Sunday, April 15, 2007

Basicly, i wasnt ready for another trip. Gosh.. tis time is Singapore.. !! arrghh!! leaving home again.. juz cant kind of stick to my bed.. crying by make no use.

well, i didnt really want to go.. need to miss class. n i had enough. juz tired. I had enough feelings of sadness n joy after mssj. Juz wanna rest. which i didnt manage to do so.. Sch was tired. Busy. Lots of homeworks.. catch ups.. n R u day's stuff.. Gosh. frastrated somwhow. yet, some are juz not willing to juz spend more time to help..

Went to singapore. Alone? haha.. without family.. is a FREE trip!! YAY!! hem.. yay?? well, i learnt a lot. learnt how to survive alone, ask when u dun know, communicate wit others.. Basicly, me n Yi MIng (both 16!!) went out of the country with rotarian Harry n his wife. haha.. all free.. hehehe.. stayed in a nice hotel-Grand Contelon.. haha.. then, went for shopping!!gosh!! so nice!!

Great world of city.. Orchard road (seriously big!!) at night.. hem.. i realise.. singapore ppl r busy!! they walk so fast!! goodness.. hahaha.. walking along Orchard road was awesome.. i saw the cello tat i always wanted.. expensive stuff.. ppl wit nice clothes.. Pretty girls.. hamdsome guys.. a-mo r like everywhere..

I enjoyed. But, sudden. I missed Kluang. the simplicity of Kluang i guess. Walking, i was so glad. Somehow, amazed by God. Why a sport place, to a city place? i guess i will never image wat God want me to learn, n meet wat kind of ppl..

wel, the program was quite encouraging.. Tat morning.. realise STABK ppl r there too.. SO GLAD!! finally not alone.. Hav fun, get to know more about each other.. HAHA.. n even had incidents together.. HAHAH!! well, knows lots of awesome ppl.. RJC ppl.. some guy sch ppl.. girl's sch ppl.. hem.. goodness.. they can really SPEAK!! pro kind.. hahaha..

Later, four under-aged teenagers.. two guys, two girls.. went shopping n eating at China Town without parents!! hahaha.. very fun.. had jokes.. hem.. Learnt a lot. n realise, when i m alone, i tend to take care n make sure things r well, but when there is ppl to follow wit, i tend to forget my responsible n keep forgetting things.. I cant imagine wat will happen if one of us wasnt there.. Basicly, everyone played a role n took care of each other.. HAHA..

hem.. well, too much happened a guess. i missed Leadership training. will be joining the next team. Hem.. a bit sad. i know i surely will not gain trust for leaders n friends.. Is hard to explain, n i dun really want to explain. Coz i know i went for a reason. No regrets.. i knew more about Yi ming, n managed to "active" her.. n share gospel. Is pretty important for me, coz Interact means a lot to me, so do Yf.

But i know i m doing for Him.

Is sad to see graduation without myself. Power puff without me.. yet, tis told me something. The world will still goes on. no matter wat happened. Ya! Tat part of world went on. No me, even better i guess. no really related to program of Yf.. hem.. will try to get back to life..

SIngapore trip was totally awesome. I learnt more than i ever imagine. Know diferent kind of ppl.. See another part of the world. Mostly, being independent. Alone, yet not lonely.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 6:59 PM , Sunday, April 08, 2007

Wish i did..

memories..

Courage to carry on..

from Him, for Him n through Him...

Life is simply unpredictable..

but i hope..

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 11:19 PM , Saturday, April 07, 2007

hem.. Back. I m back. with feelings tat i wish i can make it clear days ago. Is really hard to keep, when is out.. Trying to be back to life. With som expectation. yet, more in my relationship with ppl.

I got some result. Finally, we got gold for relay team. Gosh. is really hard. Hopefully can go for m. Basicly, i took 3 acara in juz a day. gosh. I felt so lost. Really lost.

".. then ask God to give u strength.."

I question. Why so many a day? high jump. Fun. pagar, tiring. Close. haha~ Kijang, my legs totally cant take it. They r tired. It hurts.

Our team was good? hem.. Ya. yet, there always is some arguement. hem.. five members, four can run, one cant. but, i love~ really love n enjoy being Kluang's team. Noo regrets at all. is worth. Very worth. Joy, tat i can expess. Happiness, tat comes not by buying or seeing, but by cheering n encouraging each other.

~Tepuk semangat!~

ba ba~ba ba ba~ ba ba ba ba~ Kluang!~

I miss everyone. every smiles. every joy. every part of every moment. i m sun burned. but i m seriously HAPPY!! since every1 is lik tat.. hahaha!! lots of last year athelets.. hem.. sad. but if old wont go, new wont come. i know. i need to let go. tat is wat i m trying to do. now, my world is blank. tired. happy. alone. missing.

THANKs teachers!!!! really!!

after all, went back by bus. no partner. since jie lun went back. oh!! i founf out tat i m kind of 'same' with jie lun.. haha!! same height, atitude? hem.. juz tat we had a great time, became close friend. hahah!! i aso knew more about ppl i didnt realise after years.. n ppl tat i always see. Some sad. some interesting. OHH!! kota tinggi gone out of water!! goodness.. haha.. we had to get water for bathng n stuff.. toilet was distusting. ahahaaha..

well, continue, sat with no 1, so Poh came in front n kind of talk to us. hem.. i realised his life was.. hem.. complicated, fixed. n suffered. b'coz, throughout years, i didnt care n alway thought he is proud n unfriendly. finally, i know. i was wrong. hem.. sudden, i felt sad. n weird. coz i always wanted to go to sport sch. but, i realised, he missed a lot, but got a lot too. is diferent from my life. A lot. i see sadness n his win.

hem~ he said i will never understand. i sudden, realise how big the world is. i m juz a pure blank paper. Am i? .. hem.. will i ever understand how life will be to leave house at 10 years old, being alone when trainer scold, be independent. in everything. basicly, he earns thousands dollar a month.

Izzit a wrong desicion? he said no. He went to 7-8 countries.. for competition. see diferent kind of ppl. know diferent cuture. but he will never taste simplicity. cause he missed tat part, to be innocent.

".. eh, i see my trainer more than i see my parents.."

Sad. Happy? or satifed? i m confused. Cause i will never know, or i juz dun want? Gosh. i wonder how much she given to run tat fast. Sometimes, is hard to be in the middle. Not simple, but not complicated. U see simple life. Daily routine. yet, there is another kind of life, where ppl r special with more talent.

I felt lost. Lonely. n stress. yet, happy, satified, n simply impress. after all, i found out i wanted to be me the most. not be 'in' the sports world, either 'out' in life. I will try my best to get back to life. n seek my purpose back. Be wat i need to be.

".. Go Kluang Go!!.. Go Kluang Go!!.. Go Kluang Go!!!! .. " ~the forever memorable race..

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 11:22 AM , Sunday, April 01, 2007

Am i giving too much for tis?

Hem.. i kind of realise i m out of the world. Ya, i really am. not knowing wat happened in sch, n other common places. Sudden, i felt bad for lossing more than i want to. Having complicated feelings. I know is not a wrong decision but is kind of weird to be "out" from the world. yet, i know i hav to serve. Not by doing the same thing daily, but by meeting new ppl n bring joy.

I will miss stadium.. A lot.

Somehow, i question. Why must i be afaid? .. How much more?

sudden, i saw tis:

YeStErDaY

Yes..

I was...

hit by a wave of worry, and tears, doubts hid me in my room,

so I could dwell in them.

But,

all of a sudden it started pouring heavily,

and it made me want to cry out louder,

as i knew the heavy rain would hide my cries.

But..

I hesitated, as the window caught my attention.

And the rain came into mind.

Tears reminds me of the rain.

but the rain made me realize....

NO..

God's love is like the rain.

IT fills the plants..

Gives rest to field workers..

It silences the world.

It silenced me..

and somehow it gave me space and so many beauty that I never thought about.

And it brought me back to where I was..

and I just feel so grateful for Him.

hem.. impress. Yet, not understanding why He put me in. More n more task. by the way, i m chosen to go for a pelayaran camp. is a two weeks travelling journey by sailing.till Kuching there n fly back.. Stuff like tat la.. Happy? i dunno. but since i got the peluang, i m going.

So lost. but happy. Kind of excited.. hahaha.. n scared. Gosh. will be a hard yet fruitful week in Kota Tinggi. Missing Good Friday. N sch, whole week. no idea wat is going on there. Now, only God knows. I guess i should hav faith. haha~

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

This is me

TEO XUE QI =)
22-03-91
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore"
PSALM 16:11

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