Paint the . P L A I N

On 10:22 PM , Wednesday, December 31, 2008

FAREWELL 2008 - YELO!!! 2009!!!

HEHE. To me., 2008 is a year of trust. Hmmm. You see, the feeling of knowing something terrible ahead, and basically trying to convinve myself that It will be fine., AHHHHHH. Is crazy! INSANE! TOTALLY unsafe. And, I hate it.

Though, I guess I will be dueling with this feeling for the coming years. HEHE..
The yearn for security.

It's not easy to cope.
Cope with what my thoughts and laziness.
Cope with others' words, expectations and feelings.
Cope with disappointment and get up again.

Cope with the in-real happenings.
Cope with the requirement of being a good child to Him.
Cope with the decisions to be made.

Well- At last., everything fade away.
Gain, too much on hand, and gone.

How hard it's huh? Frank-ly. H-A-R-D.

So YEAP!!, year 2008 is really a remark, to me.. =)
HAHA!!
It's those rejections, disappointments, stupid choices, realities, ETC that let me understand.
Capture the concept of trust.
Faith, is the utter opposite of certainty.

" Those who are hurt and disappointed are those who have come to Jesus for what He can do for them, not because of who He is. " - TIEN HUI.

HEHE. Okay., TATA!! AHHHHHHHHH... So fast, new year.
TADA!! 2009!!! =)
I wonder what will happen.. OHH~

LALALALALALALALA..

1 words or thoughts?

On 9:16 PM , Tuesday, December 30, 2008

寂寞喧哗..

I been watching 宫., again. HEHE. Well, I think this show is one of the best Korean show. It's more than just romance, you see. Well, It tells stories of different perspectives. =) LOVE IT.

What I got from this show., and a really special book, is hard to be put into words.
hmmmm..
LONELINESS, everyone experiences it ; knows it; recognizes it,
Even if it's hardly expressed.
Though, it depends on how one reacts and views it..
And ONLY God can replace that emptiness. =)

AHHH.
The world is just., so BIG. Yet small.
Noone can fully captures each others' feelings.
It feels good to have God.
AHHHHHH.. =)

"THE SPIRIT HIMSELF INTERCEDES FOR US
WITH GROANS THAT WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS."
-Romas 8:26

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 3:26 PM , Monday, December 29, 2008

AFTER SPM..

Lately, I been having weird dreams. HAHA!! I mean scary, a bit out-of-tune dreams. HEHE..

I couldn't remember the last few. But as for yesterday's.. HMMM. This was what I dreamt. Out of the blue, I heard them (don't even know who are the THEM) saying there will be a re-exam for SPM. Which means the previous one wasn't counted lah. Honestly, I was in shock and like ah? IMPOSSIBLE mah.. But the THEM sort of convinced me that It was it. And confusion and complications. WEIRD lor.

I overslept and didn't make it for Physics 1 paper. (HAHA!!) Then when on the afternoon I wanted to sit for Paper 2., I wasn't allowed to. WAH! So shocking loh. AHH. Then I was asked home. The next day, I went to sit for Additional Mathematics, again. This time, die. I forgot all the formulas and DANG! I couldn't accept things. (HAHA!!).. I looked around. Then, I was called by the examiner out to sign a paper. It says that I got 1 mark for AM! WAHHH... And, because I was looking around., I was accused meniru.

OHHH. Well, I don't think I woke up after that. =)
I guess sleep to me is just too.. hmm.
But if it's my sister, she would have woke up.
(Meiqi hor., can sometimes control her dreams de leh. So scary man. She once told me, she can even choose which direction to walk to or talk to who or what to say yeh.)

Something about major examinations that scare me is that, every little detailed things that happened is meticulously remembered. Including the bad choices of answers, stupid careless mistakes and the in mind correct answers. Well, it's hard to say whether those answers I think are right are actually right mah.. AHHHHH..

If you continue thinking about it. hmm. It's frustrating. And tiring.
Maybe I placed too high expectations. Even dreams can break me. AHH.

Though,
I think I got why my dreams are so weird. OH.
Well, the first day (BM paper), I brought a notebook into the exam hall. I accidentally de. Really. Because as pengawas, we are sort of biasa with having a note book in our pocket. HEHE.. So scary yeh, thank God before the exam, the examiner saw it and questioned me. If not ah., AHH.

And when having Physics Paper 2, HEHE.. The day before I slept really late. So, a bit SOT. AH. I filled in the wrong angka gilliran. HEHE. Thank God the examiner discovered. AHHH.. If not ahh.. HEHE. Thank God I was sitting at the most front. If not..

WELL.
I guess I will still be hunted for months ahead. =)
HAHA.
Nevermind, God has His plan.
Hopefully I can handle the impact..

OH YA! PMR results coming out! WOW! So fast..
Don't worry lah, ALL THE BEST!!

I want to try this. AHH.. HAHA!!

LALALALALALALALA..

2 words or thoughts?

On 4:18 PM , Friday, December 26, 2008

You, if you were sensible,
When I tell you the stars flash signals,
each one dreadful,
You would not turn and answer me
" The night is wonderful" - D.H. Lawrence " Under the Oak"

There are things we do because we convince ourselves it would be better for everyone involved. We tell ourselves that it's the right thing to do, the altruistic thing to do. It's far easier than telling ourselves the truth.

- JODI PICOULT " My Sister's Keeper"

LALALALALALALALA..

4 words or thoughts?

On 12:28 PM , Thursday, December 25, 2008

PING!
PING!
PONG!
PONG!
PONG!
KIANG!!
WAHA!
DING!!
DONG!
DANG!!

LALALALALA..
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
TADA!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY., JESUS CHRIST!!!
Saviour, Healer, Comforter, refuge, faithful friend..
A special day to Someone I can't live without, whom I always take for granted. =(

I love singing carols and playing!! YAY-IES! WAH!

Anyway, I havent been resting nor having LIFE. Adapting into KL's lifestyle, ARGH. Wake up without morning, dragging time, going to malls, cc play DOTA (HAHA!!).. Above all, it's nice to have my cousins. HEHE. Well, things been not-so-good ah.

What I learnt is environment REALLY affects one's living purpose, character and ways of reacting. AH.
"Banyak udang, banyak garam"
"Banyak orang, banyak ragam"
Well, it hurts to have close people reacting the way not according to my expectation. Well, life what.
AHHH., thank goodness - God is faithful! WAH!!

OKAY.
SLEEPY, legs pain bengkak.. after a looong night. HEHE
Though, just so worth it.
What's better than to have the day before Christmas praising God and 'blessing the town'?
YAY-iess!!

Thanks, to You.
I wished, admired. You gave.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 4:58 AM , Tuesday, December 23, 2008

LALALALALALALALA..

3 words or thoughts?

On 4:06 PM , Friday, December 19, 2008

Why must there be times where, when deep inside you know things aren't okay,
yet you said : "DON'T WORRY!"..
Is that a reasonable lie? or just another way of comforting people?
Comforter, can only listen.
Observe.
Judge.
Trying to make one's opinion known.
Or try to relate to their situations.
But as for them who walked that path.
They will know that kind of pain.
Esspecially when things are beyond their control.

The impact stays.
The price is the rest of their life.

HEALER.
Malaysia needs the One.

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

On 10:37 PM , Monday, December 15, 2008

ESPlosion 7

W-O-W. Is the word for Pastor Victor's sermon.
SO practical and real in life.
Others., hmm.
Well, I went to the camp mainly, with hopes of receiving God's direction and where to go after SPM. You see, since years ago, esspecially after my sis decided to stay for FORM 6, I told myself I will NOT study F6 or stay in this town. I couldn't wait to have "life", freedom, curfew-less etc. I never actually understood why on earth people are willing to stay for people who do not even care whether you are alive or not (face it, this is reality). But yet when I have the decision right in front of me, I feel tired with LIFE and its routine (study, study more, grow up, get married, have family, happy!, OLD, grandchildren, die).
WHAT lah. so this is life, huh? More options, more problem.

For huge amount of time in camp, I spent time thinking, sleeping, crying alone. It hurts, to know that there're always people better out there and something greater that is more worthy than me. But within the thin air and silience, it comforts me to know, and deeply sense His presence and love even when out there, others are happily gathered and laughing. =)

One thing that really wrenched my heart was when Wei Shin shared his life in Terengganu, he said that it was that time where he is helpless, alone that he found God.
WOW.

I get it, n-o-w.
God has His timing.
I worry not.

Ya, maybe I will miss meeting new cool International friends.
And even loses much chances to travel.
Or even loses a quicker meet with my future husband.
Or feel down to hear people finishing their studies in great places..
But I want to be where God is.
I want to be where the lost is. (Youshua's workshop was A-W-E-S-O-M-E)

" If you can tell where you got the call of God and all about it, I question whether you have ever had a call. The call of God does not come like that, it is much more supernatural. The realization of it in a man's life may come with a sudden thunderclap or with gradual dawning, but in whatever way it comes, it comes with the undercurrent of the supernatural, something that cannot be put into words." - Oswald Chamber

I guess His call is always clear and there.
Just that I never wanted to accept nor hear.

AT LAST.
YAY-ioesss!!., finally ESP ended.
Thank the Lord, for opportunity to play violin =)
and remember the night Ps Victor asked us to write down our talent.
This was what I wrote. " I can jump., jump! jump!"
I felt shameful after writting it, but too bad I wrote it with a pen.
I said goodbye to jumping months ago after MSSM. I know I do not have the rights to write this not-talent talent.
You see, I am not like those young ones who excel at young age and keep winning etc. And that night brought me back to those training days. To be exact, moments before running 800m.
I remember Jeanette said that It's the most helpless, no-options time that we find God.
I am glad, to have longer legs and able to jump. Despite being teased or categorised as abnormal.
I guess, HEHE. We never know how our talent will be used in future yor~

CONCLUSION-
I learnt to surrender.
To the King of kings, Lord of lords.

LALALALALALALALA..

4 words or thoughts?

On 11:29 PM , Saturday, December 06, 2008

Not everything is mine.
Not everyone is mine.
Reality.
WHAT A LIFE.

LALALALALALALALA..

2 words or thoughts?

On 12:34 AM , Wednesday, December 03, 2008

HOLIDAYS AHH!!!
Recently, I been. hmm. alive? HAHA!!

Holidays mah., HOLIDAYS!!!!! WELL., life lah. Eat; sleep; awake; walk; drive; talk; smile; do something.. HAHA. Well., I been trying to get myself back on tune., physically, emosionally and spiritually.

Well, to be honest lah. I am TOTALLY unfit, out-of-shape, NO stamina, legs's muscle like soft? and softer? (ARGH!!!) and basically., I am sort of too used to life without sit-ups, running or outdoors. Other words, I AM LAZY! HEHE. Well, holidays what.. HAHA!! NOPE, I will get back on tune.

As for after-SPM life,
Life goes on, at least for me. I guess.

Lots of things, people to let go; lots of adjustments.

I guess, there're always realities that need to be accepted.

There is always something new or fun we can learn from. =)

I am an ambitious fello. =)

I want to learn piano, guitar, drums, cello and focus on violin exam.

I want to work, part-time.

I desperately need sleep.

I promise teacher to teach Form 1 hurdles

I want to travel, which I will soon.
I need to cook eatable food.

My house needs a makeover. (obviously..)

Well., a bit crazy for a list for just a few months. Nevermind lah, split into two! HAHA!!
Eh, "Impossible is nothing", with God~
HAHA!!

I learnt a lot this year. Weee..
There will never be a perfect year.
I failed. So what? Who don't huh?

Life is full of surprise!

God is great!

If and only if., we are not overfocused with 'ME'.
My life, my thoughts, my ways..
if and only if., you found youself! Be the beauty., NOT wholly physically.

And don't compare.
I am still learning. In a tough way.

I been really thinking.
When talking., till driving etc.
I guess, this year is tough. It's.
But I really thank God for the lots of things I have,
and, my family.

OH and YA MAN!
I am now a fan of TXVQ!! HEHE.. They 're talented, not those "handsome-only" kinds, sing WELL, awesome., and funny. HAHA.

OK!!., HAPPY HOLIDAYS PEOPLE!!

LALALALALALALALA..

0 words or thoughts?

This is me

TEO XUE QI =)
22-03-91
"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore"
PSALM 16:11

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The rising sun
age old
yet new and inspiring
lighting up the world
with its soft pink rays;
just watching the familiar hues
dance on the still water
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that never truly left.
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